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“Was it serious?”
“Yes.”
The word hung between us.
He explained that doctors had discovered a condition that required a major operation and months of recovery. Fortunately, the treatment had gone well, but he had been left with significant scarring and a great deal of anxiety about his own body.
“I didn’t want you to see me like this,” he admitted.
I almost laughed through my tears.
“You didn’t want me to see you?”
He nodded.
“I was afraid you’d feel responsible. Or that you’d look at me and see another person who needed to be taken care of.”
I reached for his hand.
“Jeffrey, I’ve spent months thinking you were ashamed of me.”
His eyes filled with tears.
“I was never ashamed of you.”
“Then why did you keep sleeping somewhere else?”
He looked embarrassed.
“Because I knew you wanted this trip to be normal.”
I waited.
“You wanted to feel like my wife again,” he said. “And I wanted that too. But I was terrified.”
“Of what?”
He looked directly at me.
“That you’d want intimacy and I’d disappoint you.”
I felt something inside me break.
Not from sadness.
From relief.
“You thought I wouldn’t want you because of your scars?”
He nodded.
“I thought you deserved someone who wasn’t broken.”
I squeezed his hand.
“Jeffrey, do you know what I thought?”
He shook his head.
“I thought you didn’t want me because of mine.”
We stared at each other.
Then, unexpectedly, we both laughed.
It wasn’t a happy laugh at first.
It was the kind of laughter that comes after carrying the same fear for far too long.
Jeffrey wiped his eyes.
“We spent months protecting each other from the exact same fear.”
I nodded.
“I was trying to protect you from seeing how insecure I felt.”
“And I was trying to protect you from seeing how insecure I felt.”
We sat quietly for a moment.
Then I remembered the dress inside my suitcase.
“I bought something for tonight.”
Jeffrey smiled.
“You don’t have to wear it.”
“I know.”
I opened the suitcase and took out the dress.
I held it against myself.
For the first time in months, I didn’t wonder whether my body was good enough.
I simply wanted to wear something beautiful for myself.
Jeffrey stood.
“You look beautiful already.”
I smiled…..